Dreams of the Disturbed
by Islagatt
Summary: The prequel to Trickster... which isn't out yet so it might just be better to sat that this is the three shot setup. Have fun, read it, it's cracktacular to not cracktastic at all. Hey look at that, my first completed fic.
1. Chapter 1

Dreams of the Disturbed

"That's the rule"

A bizarre fiction inspired by a need for jokes. ISLAGIATT.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto… I'm not entirely sure that I wish I did either.

Aidis: This story actually got to me 22 days ago… it was lost in my email until now. Enjoy.

-

"Oh give it a rest! Not _every _team has a romance within itself!" The blonde's fervent denial drew an incredulous look from Yamanaka Ino, presently sitting in Shikamaru's lap.

"Um, actually Naruto, they all do." Was her simple rebuttal as she pointed out the fervently necking Hinata and Shino, their third teammate and his animal companion crying softly. Her gaze swept the room to where Uzuki Yuugao stood over a portrait of her dead lover and former teammate. The deceased spirits of Tayuya and Jiroubou stood about, decidedly not looking at each other in spite of their matching promissory rings.

Naruto wished to tear his gaze away as he looked at Jiraiya and Tsunade working on getting piss-drunk together. Again. Neji was pointedly ignoring Tenten while she let Lee taste sake without having to drink it, and Naruto managed to look away from the frightening image as well. (1)

"I still don't believe it, what about the people with no teams?" Ino gave him a 'your joking' look and pointed in two different directions at once to indicate Mitarashi Anko, lazing about twirling a kunai, and Maito Gai, who was being… well… Gai. "What about Orochimaru?"

"Geeze you're thick aren't you? Everyone knows snake-freak has been getting it on with that glasses-boy since he was a kid." Ino responded. Before Naruto could say anything, Sasuke interrupted.

"Actually that's not true. Yes they are madly in love, but it's platonic. Orochimaru gets off by sticking his thing in electrical sockets, he's a potens-philiac (2). Kabuto… Let's just say that you don't have a clue about him, but I guarantee he doesn't get it on with guys." Naruto gave the raven-haired boy a strange look and Sasuke glared back defensively. "What? You notice that kind of thing after a while."

The blond shuddered violently at the imagery but shook it off. "Please tell me its not always true?" His tone became accusing as he looked to Kisame and Itachi.

The shark-face spoke first. " Errr… we're really not teammates so much as… Partners. I guess." Itachi would have smacked his forehead if that wouldn't have been too emotional of a display.

"What Kisame means is that he likes fish more than humans, and I completely lack the capacity to procreate, (aidis-1) thanks to a lucky chidori." Naruto glanced at Sasuke.

"You vaporized his bits and tackle with an assassination jutsu?" Sasuke gave a shrug and looked away. "No wonder you don't bother hunting him anymore, not the man he once was!" Three punches landed on his head simultaneously and the blond was rendered blissfully unconscious, spared having to think of the implications when Orochimaru, Sasuke, and Itachi smashed his head in.

-

When the blond woke again, he realized that he had run through every team he knew of. He groaned in agony and slammed his face into a desk again. "Why does fate hate me so much?" he asked no one in particular. Sasuke glared at him.

"How do you think I feel? Ever since Lee learned that mind-control jutsu Sakura's been all over him. That leaves you and me and frankly, I've always hated your guts."

Ino slapped the table and glared at the Uchiha coldly. "Well its too fuckin' bad, cuz that's the law! Now shut up and make out!" She backed away to a video camera and prepared to tape it to sell to rabid fangirls at a tremendous profit. Sasuke winced and started to close in on an increasingly panic-stricken Naruto.

Suddenly Naruto cried out "WAIT!! Kyuubi no Kitsune is sealed in my stomach, but it's a really hot chick sometimes and she's taken care of me my whole life! I love her more than anything in the world, and she's sort of in our team as well since she's trapped in me!"

Kakashi paused thoughtfully, Kurenai sitting in his lap as both read Icha Icha Paradise, and scratched the back of his head slowly. "Well… I guess that counts… Wow, it's lucky this is all a dream or we'd all be seriously fucked up eh?"

-

End, Dreams of the Disturbed "That's the rule"

1: That's right, Rock Lee's harem starts with Tenten!

2: I don't think potens-philiac is the proper term, but it makes sense. Potens from the latin for power, and philiac from the latin to love (implying physically).

Aidis-1: Let alone enjoy it.

Author Note: This is… awkward. But fun to write. I think. Like I said, ISLAGIATT.

Aidis: fun to read too.

Islagatt: well that is the most important thing, quineg?


	2. Chapter 2

Dreams of the Disturbed

"Unrequited"

Fanfiction from the demented prison of… stuff… ISLAGIATT

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, hence the term fanfiction.

-

The blonde woke up, cold water shocking him from his dreamscape, and recalling the dream in a vague rush, he let out a terrified shriek. Frankly he never wanted to find out the sexual tendencies of the majority of the people in that dream. Even if he had wondered why Sasuke gave up the notion of killing Itachi, finding out hadn't made up for all the extra information.

Still shivering in fright, and cold now, he recognized his surroundings, the perpetual sewer his mind had become. Though of late, the walls had shifted from being flat, to bearing bas-relief murals of tremendously indecent pictures. Naruto noticed with not a little thanks to a variety of deities, that all the murals seemed to be heterosexual in imagery content. However, this was also the domain of the fox, and he knew the fox was female (when sharing a body, such traits become… rather evident). Given what he'd just said he decided he would have to be very careful, even though he was fairly certain what he'd said in his dream was only a dream, not to be taken seriously.

There were some seriously _bad_ implications if this décor were by her choice. And not just the fact that she could reach out and change how his mind looked. That thought froze him where he stood, because it implied that that this was either his own perversion twisting the halls into these shapes, or the Kyuubi was able to twist his mind based on her desires. "Oh fuck me…" he observed. Presently, he looked around himself and realized that he had arrived in the fox's domain, the ominous seal standing before him, in a disturbing new decoration as a crimson silk curtain, tauntingly sheer.

But maybe he was safe, the fox didn't seem to be around, he couldn't see her through the curtain at least. He hadn't seen her coming into the chamber, if he didn't know better he'd think he was safe.

"Naruto-kuun…" oh yeah. Safe was definitely a word for tonight.

Now this was not to say that Naruto was afraid of Kyuubi's possible advances. The fox had never once in his experience attempted to make any sort of advance on him, sexual, or romantic or even simply friendly. One might ask then why Naruto had blurted out that he was in love with the nine-tailed beast, and the answer was quite simple.

He had no fucking clue. He certainly didn't want to screw Sasuke.

"You know something Naruto-kun," came the voice of his ever-present 'guardian' "I've been thinking an awful lot about you and I've come to a realization…" That was dangerous, Kyuubi thinking about the two of them? Not good, very bad in fact. "In a lot of ways it's my fault that you've had such a horrid life." What? He'd never voiced that opinion. Hell it never occurred to him, and he started to say as much before she stopped him. "But you've never really believed that, you've never blamed me. You've never blamed yourself seriously either." Her voice was different… not so aggressive. Wait where was it coming from anyway? "I thought long and hard, why doesn't he blame me? Then I asked why do I care? I wondered about it more and had to ask why I thought it was better to live in you than to simply die. I found an answer. That dream of yours, you talk the truth in your dreams, even if you don't know it, so it answered a lot for me, at least about you. I don't expect you to come to terms with it for a long time anyway, so I don't think it'll matter that I don't feel the same." Well… that kinda hurt, and perhaps a bit of it showed in his face, for the biju quickly adopted a reconciliatory tone. "Don't get me wrong! I like you as much as a demon can like a silly little mortal, but my first goal is to get free. Simply survival you understand." Despite giving a slightly lonely sigh, the blonde nodded his understanding.

"So what have all your ponderings led you to the conclusion of then, oh font of emotional support, Kyuubi?" Naruto blinked in spite of himself, that was almost eloquent (compared to normal). Perhaps depression expanded the vocabulary? Bah, he knew angst was no good for him anyway.

The titanic fox gave a derisive snort to his sudden sullen attitude. Or she started to before deciding it was too unlady-like. "I've decided that I'm going to take a step towards my goal. My goal of getting out of you, hopefully with both of us alive, but the sooner the better." Naruto sighed quietly.

"Fine then, when you're going to do something, at least warn me a little in advance please? Until then, if you're finished making me miserable then I'm going back to sleep." Uzumaki Naruto waited, but the Kyuubi gave no answer, and he willed himself to lose focus on the place, slipping away into real sleep again.

But the Kyuubi lingered on in that place, after all it was her only place now. She felt a little bad for treating the child so cruelly, even if he didn't completely acknowledge that he felt anything for her, but really, he was only a human and she was the Kyuubi, her motto was always look out for number one.

Being a demon, she knew there were many ways she could escape the seal, and regain her freedom, but what way would be best, she wondered. Should she twist the boy 'round her finger? Nah, she'd enjoy seducing him, but she didn't want to do that with her body. Tempt him with power to achieve his dreams? Nah, he'd never fall for it. Take over his mind when he slept? And be limited to a human body? No thanks (a part of her thought that it might be fun to use his body to prank himself though). Well why not change his body without his permission? She could change him on a fundamental level like that. It would work pretty easily. But he might be killed before she could release herself.

Damn.

Oooh, there was an alternative she hadn't thought of until now. Kyuubi decided that this idea might work out very much for her benefit. There were risks, but wasn't that the fun of it? She could guarantee herself to get her way. And in the unlikely event this failed she could just use one of her other methods. It all worked out.

Yay.

-

_Yay?_ This was the thought that ran through Naruto's mind as he woke, he considered the thought in his muddled, not-morning-person fashion, and came to a conclusion that Yay was a reference to some ramen sale. Deciding on the curious thought, he hauled himself from the uncomfortable embrace of his bed and dug out a fresh set of undergarments.

Armed thus with the mighty boxers of a ninja, Naruto staggered into the kitchen and glared at his ramen. Fuck that, he'd go hungry. Morning Naruto wasn't happy, and Naruto only ever ate ramen when he was happy. Given that he couldn't afford anything else, he normally went hungry in the morning. Or perhaps it was the fact that Morning Naruto was more honest?

Turning away from the ramen he returned to his bedroom, finished dressing, and regarded the scroll on his kitchen table. It read simply as 'guts!' but to Naruto it symbolized much more. So he gave a slight nod and went out into predawn Konoha. It was cold and there was a breeze, sometimes it made the blonde's skin rise in goose bumps, but most of the time the breeze seemed to move around him, not touching him; it disturbed him the one time he actually thought about it. Today was one of the times when the wind wouldn't deign to touch him.

That should have been an omen for him, but this was Uzumaki Morning Naruto. Even when he was alert he was too inept for omens, how could he see them when he was groggy? Oh crap! He's gone on ahead already. His morning workout was fairly simple, leap onto the roof of another building, make five kage bunshin, and race against them as all six bodies constantly cast new henge over themselves. After the first lap around the village, run into the forest and duke it out, if a clone goes down, make another, repeat as needed until nearly passed out. Then go meet with team.

Now the fight was something peculiar. Because inevitably, the clones took the initiative, they did things that most people would consider a sick and twisted training method. It has already been mentioned that Morning Naruto didn't have the energy to be happy. Partially true, he didn't have the energy to lie to himself, to trick himself into being happy and boastful. When he was still groggy, Naruto had no wants, no desires, just objectives.

Presently that objective was fighting. It didn't matter to Morning Naruto who he was fighting, so long as he was, that is why he spun inside Sasuke's outstretched punch and slashed across his stomach, flesh spilling open to let entrails dangle out. Continuing the spin and stretching out an arm sent the genin flying away and into a tree head-first. Naruto's rotation terminated with a powerful throw, the four-inch blade glanced off of Kakashi's kunai, and six of his own shuriken flew towards the demon child.

The blonde lashed out with a kunai attached via wire as a sort of whip and knocked away the ones most likely to hit him, then a yank back on the wire and a flip lifted him over the remaining ones. Whilst still in the flip Naruto's hands crossed into a seal, making a new Sasuke clone, which appeared, looked startled, and dashed into the woods. The wired kunai lashed forward again and sprang the trap a Sakura clone had made, sending a rotting log flying at the Sandaime clone. Of course the Sandaime, even though he was only disguised as Sarutobi, jumped out of the way of the genin trap, he also launched a volley of shuriken at the trap's trigger location, where Naruto had been scant seconds earlier.

But Naruto was not there, which was odd. The clones regrouped, eyes exchanging information. Morning Naruto hung nearby, breathing controlled, blending his chakra into the surroundings, stealthy. He waited, counted, considered.

Iruka stood between Sasuke and Sakura, Kakashi at Sasuke's side, Sarutobi at Sakura's. The five stood in a ring, looking outward to keep each other protected. This was new for the clones; Naruto had never been the hunter before, usually he ran and hid and set up ambushes of his own, taking out a number of clones in this fashion. But now, he was hidden, attacking, the clones were compelled to run, but knew that was what he wanted.

For his own part, the morning Naruto used his carefully blended chakra to still the sound around him while he shifted his position. Moving from behind the tree to shift up atop a branch to see them, he continued on, slowly, subtly, the predawn not lending light to see him as he set his malign trap. As it was set, he pulled his chakra into two shapes where he hung in wait. A kage shuriken bunshin, another like the first he'd thrown, long, flat, hard to throw, but subtle and precise, and a kage kunai bunshin, which quickly received an explosive tag.

Then the weapons were off and the trap was sprung.

The shuriken landed neatly in the Sandaime's neck, between two vertebrae, Kakashi leapt forward, his neck instantly getting snared by the wire noose. The force of Kakashi's jump made the wire tighten, and cut into his throat, his one eye bugged grossly in response. Iruka went to throw Sasuke and Sakura to the ground, attempting to cover them with his body against another attack, but he dropped all three of them onto the kunai and exploding tag, the ball of fire consumed the three instantly.

All five poofed into nothingness, the bunshins broken. An exhausted, but slightly conscious Naruto nodded and began to run through the trees and atop the houses towards home.

As usual, Naruto was totally unaware of his stalker, who had just witnessed the brutal training session.

-

Hyuuga Hinata, the poor girl that she was, had just seen her number one source of confidence, the man she would dare say she loved, dispatched his precious people with the practiced cold dispassion of a real shinobi. Had her younger sister witnessed it, Hanabi might have suddenly developed an interest in him, but for Hinata, it was a different matter.

With what she just saw she might have to reconsider some things. Was compassion what a shinobi really needed? He seemed so friendly all the time, was that just an act? Did she love the mask? If she did, was that so wrong, after all, it was the face he wanted the world to see.

Perhaps… Perhaps Hinata needed to try something like that, kill the ones closest to you to steel yourself for the job of a ninja.

Too much to think about, too many questions, she needed to go back to… Oh my, where was she going to go?

Team eight had just returned from an out-of-village mission, in the middle of the night. Hinata had accepted the offer to stay at Kurenai's apartment for a bit (ostensibly her part in the mission had left her more strained than the others). But she left a little early, to get a head start on the object of her affections. She had told Kurenai she was fine when she left, so she couldn't return there, and she really didn't want to go home right now. Until she sorted her thoughts out she didn't even want to see Naruto, so his apartment was out (she wouldn't have handled it well anyway). She gave a tired sigh and lay against a tree, the slight breeze carried Naruto's after-chakra by her, the lightly tinged blue smoke smelled like the blonde (to those who had chakra sensing capabilities and augmented brain structures), and in almost sleep, Hinata still gave a small smile.

After all, she liked that smell.

-

Morning Naruto slumped in bed, and let exhaustion claim him, he rested for mere minutes before his alarm clock went off, and Naruto sent a blue-eyed glare at the obviously demonic war engine. However, soon enough he was standing up and moving around again, this time with a cheeky grin, and he pounced on the ramen.

Naruto was awake, and while the adrenaline was still good, he'd be happy and energetic as always. Yeah, Naruto knew he was an endorphin junkie, but that didn't really matter, after all, he worshipped ramen in the same way and that was alright. He hoped. So the instant cup ramen got its boiling water and was set on its rightful place on the table with reverence, and Naruto set himself about neatening the room.

It was a common misconception that Naruto was uncleanly and disorganized, people presumed that he was a young bachelor, and therefore a slob. However, Naruto took great pride in his home, and always endeavored to keep it tidy when the chance arose, so the one time Sakura had seen his room, she'd been shocked, thinking that Naruto must live with an obsessive-compulsive freak.

The blonde had misunderstood the statement, when she voiced her opinion, and his response weirded Sakura out for the entire following week.

Naruto has bad people skills.

He dropped the broom where it was and bolted back to his precious, his world, his ramen. Naruto ate the stuff so often that he could smell when the noodles were just right, when the broth was perfect, as if the ramen got off the table and slapped Naruto shouting 'BITCH! Eat the damn ramen!'. For a second, Naruto paused, that had been an exceptionally weird thought, perhaps…

No the ramen had no expiration date, perhaps it was the effect of his endorphins running out and away, sapping the energy from him. Or maybe it was Kyuubi? He tuned that thought out quickly, he'd think about her during training today, for now he just wanted to enjoy his noodles for the moment, not think about impossible stories of unrequited love.

…

Third attempt, and Naruto managed to get through his piss-poor breakfast without any exceptionally weird or un-Naruto thoughts. He crunched the Styrofoam cup and lobbed it into a trashcan in the opposite direction (ninja skills were handy for housework), grumbling slightly about inadequate portions. Well, that was enough moping for Naruto, and so off he went, out the door, securing the thirteen odd locks on his door.

Naruto never had a problem with people breaking into his home, but he attributed that to the safety afforded by having no windows and a solid steel door with thirteen locks. And no you couldn't persuade him he was being paranoid, thank you very much. It was still rather early, seven in the morning, the proscribed meeting time for his team.

-

End Dreams of the Disturbed "Unrequited"

Author Note: Yah this really isn't as cracked up as I wanted it to be. Oh well, I'm working on it. Anyway, what is it with Chuck Norris? Seriously, it seems like the Naruto section of ffnet has forsaken his awesomeness the lord Vin Diesel. Not to mention Mr. T!

Aidis: I pity the foo!!!

Islagatt: Short… Really short chapter… But that's two thirds of the prologue story! Also what in blazes was I drinking when I wrote that first note… Yeesh.


	3. Chapter 3

Dreams of the Disturbed

"Regrets"

I own… A nice collection of souls? But I don't own Naruto.

-

"Alright team, today we will be working on the most important aspect of our ninja training!" Kakashi's zealous cheerfulness swept over them, and affected none. Well it might have affected Naruto, but he was always cheerful so it was impossible to tell.

"Is it a buncha new cool jutsu?!" he bounced in place with his excitement and Sakura beaned him solidly in the back of his head. After three and a half years, getting Sasuke back and gutting Sai (whether proverbially or not I leave to your imagination) in the process, Naruto had not changed one bleeding bit. Perhaps he was a bit taller than he had been (okay, now he was five eleven whereas before he had almost been five five), and perhaps a bit stronger (now able to call forth four tails of his tenant's power and very nearly able to take Orochimaru on his own), but by and large he was the same, a near mindless ball of exuberance he had always been.

"No it's not any more jutsu," answered the jounin, prompting Naruto to sneer disdainfully in a deep, repressed portion of his mind and recall that the only one who'd been given a jutsu by the jounin was Sasuke. Sasuke in turn glared at the jounin as well, anything that wasn't jutsu wasn't likely to get him any stronger. He chastised himself for the thought promptly thereafter of course, he wasn't Orochimaru, damnit. Sakura… looked bored and a little distracted as well. Had it simply been a jutsu lesson she could have fled the awkward social flux that was team seven and study with Shizune or Tsunade. But now she'd be forced to put up with both Naruto and Sasuke, to her, that wasn't a fun thing anymore. "Today we'll be working on teamwork!" There was a collective expression of anger at the proclamation from his team, although it came in three very different forms.

Sasuke was the most predictable, even if his stint with Orochimaru had been brief, he'd realized that teammates and teamwork didn't help you get stronger. Teammates gave you someone that you had to protect and thus rendered you less powerful. Thus, his slight twitch was the indication of his outrage at the bullshit assignment. Other than that, the permanent scowl fixed in Sasuke's features remained unchanged.

Sakura's reaction did come to Kakashi as a surprise, even though how she expressed it, wasn't. In her normal, shouting voice, a voice that she must have learned from Tsunade. "WHAT?! MORE team-training?! How come you never had us do this stuff before the chuunin exam?!" A fair point but Kakashi had a counter to it.

And lastly Naruto, whose anger was expected by all, responded with a darkened visage and grumbled something underneath his breath before going quiet. The raven-haired chuunin glanced towards his counterpart with surprise so intense that it was almost visible in his normally apathetic eyes. Sakura turned a surprised look towards the blonde as well, when she realized that he hadn't whined or griped about the assignment.

Kakashi focused his eye on his mute student and poked him lightly. "Uh, hey Naruto, you okay? Naruto?"

"GYAH!" With a leap and a scream, the blonde practically fled his flesh and landed in the stream beneath the bridge team seven always met on. He made more dark grumbling sounds as he hauled himself up onto the bank beside the stream and glared at his clearly amused team. Today was not a day to be Uzumaki Naruto, and it had really only just begun! He gave a Naruto-esque pout and blinked in frank surprise when Kakashi repeated his question, apparently neither amused or disappointed in his student's reaction. "Ehh… Yeah, I'm fine Kakashi-sensei, had some weird dreams, that's all." Naruto put on his normal smile and Sakura shook her head disparagingly.

"Well, if you're sure you're alright then. To answer your question Sakura, we didn't work on team exercises before the chuunin exam because at the time you were more or less progressing at the same rate. Sakura was growing her chakra reserves, Naruto was gaining more control, and Sasuke was working on learning jutsus. You were all pretty much fresh genin so I was sure you'd fail. If you had, you might have made a good show turning into a real team afterwards."

The admission drew forth renewed (and more normal) anger from the team. Kakashi wasn't bothered by the glares as he continued. "As it stands now, even though you've all been studying and growing on your own, none of you are going to be Jounin anytime soon. You three will still be operating as team seven for a long time. The problem is we've had Sasuke back for a while now and we've been training. But not together. None of you have made any effort to get to know each other on anything more than a professional level. Simply put, you're not a team." He cast accusatory glances at the entire unit, of whom only one had the good grace to look ashamed.

The Cyclops felt distinctly irked by Naruto's surprised and intensely hostile look, but pressed on in spite of it. "So the three of you are all going to go have lunch together. No you don't get a say in it, no it isn't ramen, and yes I'll be there too. And, if you don't make an effort to get to know each other again…" The jounin trailed off. It was dubious that he could take all three of them himself, or even one of them (Kakashi's eye glances on Naruto then Sakura). The three were still afraid of him on some deep, instinctive level and Kakashi knew they wouldn't attack. So, with minimal complaint, team seven followed the jounin through the commercial district of Konoha. Naruto ramped up his smile from neon-sign to gigawatt brightness. Sakura winced and sped her pace a bit so the smile was out of her peripheral vision. Villagers who had been glaring at the blonde either shrieked as their eyes were singed, or quickly looked away.

The demon vessel's smile only widened at his small victory.

-

At last they arrived at the restaurant Kakashi had selected for them. Naruto felt his smile falter just a bit, before he let it fall back down to mere incandescence. The restaurant was, of course, one that he had been kicked out of before. But the manager wouldn't deny him service in the presence of Hatake Kakashi, would he? Well it was unlikely, money was money after all…

The group got in without any major incident. A wait-person gave a brief, hostile look in Naruto's general direction before Kakashi fixed him with a pointed look. After that, they found themselves in a booth in a corner with a circular table. Sakura sat next to Kakashi, who in turn sat next to Sasuke. On the other edge of near-circular bench was Naruto. To most everyone's surprise, Naruto did not complain about the lack of ramen on the menu, nor was he even loud.

Naruto mentally reminded himself about today's goal. He had promised to use today's training time to think about his tenant. A being he apparently loved.

Sakura realized she was looking at the blonde boy in concern. Sakura admitted to herself that she cared for him some time ago. But on a very limited level, Sakura's needs came first, of course. Well that was a step above most of what he got from the women of Konoha. Naruto wondered how fucked up he was that he accepted the feelings of a woman who would gladly kill him if it allowed her freedom a few hours sooner? How fucked up was it that this was the closest thing he'd get to love? Motherfucker, he was getting into a self-piteous state! With that realization he put everything he had into being cheerful and energetic.

The attempt, polite as it was, was being wasted as the other three at the table were completely silent. One looking at him with apparent concern, and the others intently focused on the food before them. This prompted a surprised blink from Naruto who hadn't even realized the meal had arrived. He dismissed the thought and tore into the meal voraciously. A part of him sighed, saying it wasn't ramen. Another cheered, saying the same.

When the food was reduced to memory and all had a feeling of being full, the group sort of shifted around uneasily. They looked at one another expecting someone else to start. Immune to the tension in the air as he was, Naruto began and looked towards Sasuke. "Say Sasuke, no one really bothered anything over in the Uchiha complex while you were away, do you ne- do you _want_ any help getting the place as spick and clean as it was before?" It took much of the blonde's determination to be so pleasant and non-combative with his former rival.

Sasuke, however, was having none of it. "Help? From you? Psht. You must be kidding right? I have no interest in watching the compound of my family be desecrated and made into an instant-ramen dumpsite by some dead-last." Naruto's foxish grin spread wider and his eyes narrowed in effort. Surprisingly Sakura came to his rescue.

"Actually Sasuke, you might be surprised." The blonde was about to thank her for her defense until she continued. "It's actually really creepy how neat and clean his apartment is, he denies it but I'm pretty sure he's got obsessive compulsive disorder." Naruto pouted once again. He pushed aside what frustration there was and attempted conversation again.

"So Sakura," he completely abandoned the 'chan' at the end of her name. "How's things with Shizune-neechan? I hardly ever see her these days." Sakura gave a vague, dismissive shrug.

"She's busy, stressed, who isn't these days?" Sakura answered while making it eminently clear she wanted no more of that particular conversation. Although, there was a slightly faraway look in her eyes, possibly indicating that there were other reasons for her reaction. Maybe there was more to it, than a genuine desire to not be a part of the conversation. If anyone noticed, they didn't say a thing.

Kakashi sighed, vocalizing Naruto's frustrations as he made it clear that things were proceeding in an unsatisfactory fashion. Fine then, they would have to be punished.

"Alright, since you three" once more recieving a surprised and hostile look from Naruto, "aren't interested in having a decent conversation. You'll all answer my questions. Think of this as an interrogation if you have to. I will do bad and unpleasant things to you if you don't respond." The three ninja gulped in unison, even Sasuke seemed slightly afraid of the jounin.

**_Thus begins… the Inquisition_ **said a disturbingly familiar voice in the back of Naruto's mind, before it began a showtune-esque song centering on the high priest Talkimatta during the dark-ages.

-

Three hours later the three ninja were glaring with new levels of hate for their teacher. However, none of them would deny that they now knew more than they ever had about one another. For instance, if forced to judge on one aspect of a person, their habits or their habitat, Sasuke would judge a person based on the state of the street they lived on, while Sakura would observe their reaction to someone kicking a puppy. Naruto's was actually the most insightful, his answer was what their response to that question itself would have been. But after three hours of non-stop questions, the three were quite ready to be done with the nonsense and go their separate ways.

Kakashi gave in to the growing tension and decided to defuse it with his last question. "Alright, presuming that you could have any one wish to change something in the past, what would it be?" He looked at Sakura first and she frowned, thinking hard on it for a long moment before answering.

"I'd… I would wish that I never abandoned my friendship with Ino… at least not over a stupid crush." Sasuke expertly hid a wince, before the jounin's eye turned to him.

"Do you even need to ask? I'd wish that my brother never killed my clan." Kakashi was vaguely surprised that he wouldn't have wished for the power to kill Itachi then and there, or never having gone to Orochimaru.

Naruto frowned deeply and scrunched his face up to think. He almost said he wished the fox never attacked, or that she'd been sealed in someone else, but his heart panged remorsefully at those things. He almost wished that he'd paid more attention in classes, but that would've been a frank lie. Naruto got frustrated suddenly and stood up to leave. "I've got a lot of regrets, but since thinking about them won't change a thing, there's no point to saying what I'd change."

"That's not an answer Naruto, remember what I said." The blonde winced again before resigning himself to answering. He straightened up to his full height and responded in a clear, quiet voice.

"I wish I had never been placed on team seven."

-

And that, dear friends, is the prologue for Trickster, my next story project. This has been rolling around on my hard drive since god-knows-when, Trickster will come out sometime, and the next chapters of A Demons Dream and At Any Cost will be as well. In the meantime enjoy this.


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